The Art of "Discipline"

To me, being a dad is the most important and amazing thing I get to do. Anyone who knows me, knows this. My two girls (and another on the way) teach me so much about life, joy, and God's love for us.

One of the NOT SO FUN aspects of parenting is the need for discipline. Every family has their own conviction of discipline; grounding, time out, payment plans, eviction notices.  As for me and my house we dare not spare the rod. (Gasp - how can you spank those adorable little girls...Trust me there are times when they're not so adorable.) Granted at times it is not easy but I know it's necissary.

Once after a "discipline session" my oldest jumped into my lap, with tears streaming down her face and said to me in a broken sentence with sighs.

"Dad.... when you ....spank me ....it just..... breaks my heaaaaarrrrrrrrrt."

If she only knew how much that broke mine.

One thing I always do and would like to encourage you to do, regardles of your method of discipline, is to not stop there. ( I don't mean go another round with them.) What happens after punishment in your house?  Do you pick up right where you left off before the incidient and continue with life as though nothing happened? Do you tell them to suck it up, or leave them alone to think about what they've done?

To me, as important as the discipline style (maybe even more important than) is the discussion that takes place after. You may remember as a child the rush of thoughts, questions, and emotions that you experienced after your parents placed the belt on  your backside, sent you to your room, or grounded  you for the weekend. Guess what? Your child goes through the same thing.

Here's what we do.We always talk through the why, the what, and the how of the event. Your conversation may look different but it should definitely happen. Basically we talk through:

• What did you do to get in trouble?
• Why did you think you needed to do that?
• How can we prevent it from happening again.

During this time your kids will try to convince you that they have a valid reason for their actions. They may even get upset all over again (The funny thing I've found that we never grow out of that.) At the end of it all. There are two things I ALWAYS make sure I reiterate again and again.

1. Everything that her mom and I ask her to do or not do is to protect her from harm and prepare her for greatness.
2. No matter what  she does, I still love her. (I know those things will get more and more intense as my girls get older..but that will never change, and I want them to know that and often.)

Dads, I know it is not our nature to be nurturing. But we have responsibility to raise our sons and daughters in ways that protect and prepare them. We are the heads of the household, you can't delegate that. The first few times you attempt to have the conversation it will be awkward, you will fumble over your words, and will think you've failed. But you're creating one AWESOME line of communication for the future as your child grows. They know that they can talk to you and that you value their feedback in the worst of scenarios.  Discipline is meant not just for punishment but for a learning experience. If there is nothing taught, then there will be nothing learned.